Toyland and the Tariff Tyrant

(by Jennifer Butz with enduring love and respect to Dr. Seuss)

In the town of Tinselty, up on the ridge,

Lived kids with their stockings and dreams by the fridge.

They dreamed of chic dollies and glittery trucks,

Of plushy-tailed ponies and squeaky mall ducks.

But down in the Tower of Tariff and Grift,

Sat Old Mister Trump in his red, gilded pit.“

I’ll tariff all Toylands! Each wagon and drone!

They’ll learn they can’t trifle with me on the phone!”

He slapped on the tariffs and twittered delight,

While elves in the warehouse worked late through the night.

The cost of a doll rose to a hundred bucks.

“Too bad,” said the boss, “We don’t give tiny...ducks.”

And the Grinch was confused—no grand veneration

For all the “great things” he’d brought to the nation.

He’d broken and bullied; declared it a win

Expecting a statue... and much cheering within.

So on this May Day morning, dear shopper, beware!

Tariffs mean paying much more for your share.

They might not be taxes on tycoons in their jets

But they’ll fall on your checkout and spiral your debts.

Unless—unless—unless we all shout:

“These tariffs hurt people—we’re calling them out!”

Give the kids magic! Give the elves raises!

And stop selling Christmas in tariffed gold phases.

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