Blog #94. Holiday Grace

Does this happen to you? You walk into a holiday gathering ready to show up as the grown, seasoned, evolving woman you are… and within minutes, you feel yourself shrinking into a version of you that no longer fits. Maybe it is the way someone jokes about “how you’ve always been,” or how you’re automatically handed the same family task you’ve done for 30 years, or how certain people still expect you to smooth things over, clean things up, or keep the peace.

And suddenly, you find yourself playing an outdated role in a script. It is startling how quickly old dynamics can flatten us.

Be authentic to yourself, not to the memories others have of you.

You could have spent all year learning, stretching, healing, reshaping your life — and one holiday dinner can make you feel twelve again. Not the confident parts of twelve, either. The parts that learned to make yourself smaller so everyone else could stay comfortable.

No wonder the holiday season can feel like a tug-of-war between who you were and who you are becoming. Remember, though. You are not the only one who feels this way. Many women in their third chapter quietly admit that certain rooms — especially family rooms — pull them back in time. People respond to the memory of you, not the truth of you. They interact with their version of your past, not your present.

This is where grace comes in. Not grace as in “smile politely and swallow your feelings.” Grace as in the radical act of staying anchored in your current self when others expect the old one. Grace is the moment you pause, breathe, and choose your response instead of falling into your rehearsal. It is the gentle courage to show up as your grown self, even when the room is functioning as if you have not changed a bit.

So here is a little Holiday Grace Toolkit — simple, sturdy, designed for women who are tired of disappearing in familiar rooms:

1. One Boundary. No apology required. A small one. A doable one. “I’m not available for that this year.” “That does not work for me today.”

2. One Truth. Let it be calm and confident. A sentence that reflects who you are now.“I actually see that differently these days.” “I’m trying a new approach this year.”

3. One Breath. A single breath interrupts the old pattern more than anyone realizes.

Before responding. Before absorbing. Before reacting.

4. One Joy. A private one, if needed.A moment outside, a song that makes you laugh, a memory that warms your chest. Claim something that brings you back into your body.

5. One Kindness — to Yourself.A whispered reminder: “I have earned the right to be who I am now.”

Grace does not mean letting people walk over you. Grace means refusing to walk away from yourself. If you are choosing to show up as your grown self, you are already rewriting your story. Break the script. Live your power. You belong with us—wondercrone.com.