Blog #88. When Does It Get to Be My Turn?

Have you ever felt invisible in your own life?

It’s not fair. You’ve checked the boxes, raised the kids, showed up for the job, cared for your parents, volunteered, and more. You’ve held everything together. You’ve been reliable, responsible, resilient — often all at once. And yet, in the quiet moments, a small, persistent voice whispers, “When does it get to be my turn?”

You’re right to wonder. If I pull back from all the doing, will people think I’ve stopped being good? Or will I finally feel whole?

This isn’t a question of entitlement. It’s a hunger for permission — permission to prioritize yourself without guilt, to live on your own terms without feeling like you’re betraying the script handed to you way back in childhood. That script told you that goodness meant sacrifice, that love meant selflessness, that your worth would be measured in how much you gave away.

Let me tell you now: it’s always been your turn. No one ever told you you didn’t have to earn it.

Somewhere along the way, “good” became synonymous with disappearing. We learned to equate selflessness with sainthood, as if the less of ourselves we claimed, the more virtuous we became.

But here’s the truth: being a good person was never meant to mean erasing yourself. It was never meant to mean shrinking, pleasing, or performative worthiness. Goodness isn’t a medal you get for exhaustion. It’s not a prize for endurance. It’s the embodiment of your truest values — including the ones that honor you.

And here’s where gratitude comes in. This isn’t about rejecting the life you’ve built up with the people you’ve loved, the work you’ve done, or the responsibilities you’ve carried. It’s about meeting all of that with thanks and then widening the circle to include you. So what does it actually look like when you stop waiting for permission?

It looks like saying no without apology. It looks like pouring energy into pursuits that nourish you. It looks like reclaiming curiosity, creativity, pleasure, and ambition — not as extras, but as essentials.

It looks like waking up in the morning and asking, “What would make today meaningful for me?” and trusting that the answer matters.

Most of all, it looks like releasing the myth that self-love and goodness are opposites. They’re not. They’re partners. And when you embrace that truth, the life you’ve been holding together for everyone else finally starts to hold you.

As the holiday season approaches, maybe the most radical thing you can give thanks for is your own becoming. You’ve spent decades showing up for everyone else. Now, the invitation is simple: show up for you.

You’ve carried others through their seasons. Now this one is yours. Your turn isn’t coming, it’s here. Share what your power, purpose, and pleasure feel like. Here, aging isn’t decline, it’s design.