#126. Don't Call Me. I'll Call You.
On my birthday last week, I got scammed. There are better ways to celebrate turning another year older.
I received an SMS from FedEx. It looked legit. I gave them my debit card number. Then, two days later, I get a call that there was suspicious activity on my debit card.
My first mistake was reacting to that SMS. I let reaction override response. And that, I've learned, was exactly what the fraudsters needed me to do. Because the hack was just the opening act.
Over the next several days, attempts to defraud me came from multiple directions. They got money from my debit card Then they tried for more. More than $30,000 more. Thankfully, those attempts failed.
People called who appeared to be helping me deal with the fraud. And then came the gut punch: the first people who called me about the fraud may have been part of the fraud. Just think.
Something frightening happens to your financial world. Then someone apparently from your financial institution calls to help you fix it. Of course you engage. There is a real problem. They know things. They sound professional. And they are here to help. Except perhaps they're not.
This is where I learned something uncomfortable about myself.
Reaction says: Something is wrong. Fix it. NOW.
Response says: Something is wrong. What do I actually know? What can I independently verify?
That space between the two can be worth a great deal of money. I am hardly alone. A 2026 AARP survey found that 41 percent of Americans over 50 say they have either lost money to fraud or had sensitive information obtained and used fraudulently. That's four out of every ten of us.
The Federal Trade Commission reports that Americans over 60 reported losing $2.4 billion to fraud in 2024, and large-loss scams involving criminals impersonating trusted businesses and government institutions have risen dramatically. That sum is likely even higher.
Fraud has become sophisticated. It exploits technology, certainly. But it also exploits psychology: fear, urgency, trust, authority and our human desire to make a frightening problem stop.
That last one got me.
For several days, I've been sorting out my computer, talking with the actual fraud department, shutting down cards and accounts, changing access, examining transactions, removing suspicious software, and learning considerably more about cybersecurity than I had planned to learn during my birthday week.
Eventually, I arrived at one wonderfully low-tech security measure: Don't call me. I'll call you.
I no longer conduct financial business from an incoming call. If my “bank” calls, I'll thank them, hang up and contact the bank myself through a number and pathway I know to be legitimate.
No evaluating whether the caller sounds convincing.
No trusting caller ID.
No being impressed because someone knows information about me that I assume only my bank could know.
No allowing the person who presents the emergency to control what happens next.
I initiate. Because hanging up creates something the fraudsters don't particularly want me to have: time to respond instead of react.
Aging in power doesn't mean becoming so wise, experienced or technologically savvy that nobody can ever fool us. We're human. Humans can be fooled.
Wisdom is learning when the rules have changed—and being willing to change ours in response.
This one cost me some sleep, a considerable amount of aggravation, and several days I'd happily take back, but I learned the lesson. So, scammers, banks, credit-card companies and anyone else calling with an urgent financial issue:
Don't call me. I'll call you.
PS—I’m ok. My fraud systems work, but I’ve spent days shoring up defenses and working with the fraud investigators.
Epilogue. Protect yourself NOW.
1. Ensure you’re on the highest level of fraud protection for all your credit and debit cards today. And that includes changing passwords regularly.
2. Protect yourself from someone opening lines of credit and loans by freezing your credit lines on Experion, Equifax, and TransUnion. Each one has to be done separately, but it doesn’t take much time and you do not have to buy a plan to freeze your credit line. Remember to unfreeze when you actually do want to take a loan.
3. Consider getting an identity theft protection software such as LifeLock, Bitdefender, or Avast.
